You Can't Kill A Unicorn

I am a writer. 

I am a writer who has not written anything in a while. 

I am writer who has not written anything in over a year. 

I am a writer so...

You can see the problem there. 

I let life get in the way. Well, more accurately I let where I was become all that I was. I let all of the chaos in the world become this giant cloud that only let me see the here and now. I let my surroundings and those surrounding me dictate the way I was living. To be honest I was just sleep walking through because it was easier than fighting for the dream. 

The idea of becoming this great successful Writer/Director had become something I no longer believed in. So I quit my dream. I convinced myself that since it hadn't happened yet that it wasn't happening. It was too late for me and I needed to regroup and accept the normal life I was given. I gave up and let my perceived failures have too much clout. I started to look for reasons why I my dream wasn't meant to come true and I used the chaos happening in the world to do it. 

I would turn on the news and get lost in all of the tomfoolery happening in around the world. I would tell myself that there are more important things happening in the world than telling stories. Get it together. 

And Pop Culture was the icing I used on my Self Sabotage Cake.   

There was nothing special about me. I didn't have anything unique to offer. I wasn't the right kind of exotic. I wasn't the right kind of pretty. I wasn't smart enough. I wasn't young enough. I was just not enough. 

I let in all that noise. I gave all of that outside fluff all the power and it became the foundation for my new beginning. I got in line and went with the flow. I accepted it and ate up every drop of what I was told I should be while single-handedly burying who I was. I knew better. I knew that in reality all of the noise had one purpose and one purpose alone; to keep me in line. To keep us all in line. To make sure you follow the leader, buy what this one or that one is selling, and most of all keep you dismantling who you are to be who you were never meant to be. 

Now here's the thing about foundations-- I know this because I watch a lot of HGTV-- if your foundation is poor, everything you build on top of it will eventually crumble. Same thing with eating things that don't agree with you-- I know this because I have a lot of allergies I like to ignore-- your body will not just go with the flow, it will fight and do everything it can to purge those things from you. 

It took my foundation and my body three years struggling to accept my existence to realize I never would because I never could.

You see, I was not designed to make myself small.

I did so to accommodate those who felt like they needed to be bigger than me.

I was not designed to be silent. 

I did so because others needed my disadvantage for their advantage. 

I used to look in the mirror and see magic. From when I was a kid having concerts in my bathroom, I saw it. All of those times I sat alone on the playground absorbed in my own world. I felt it. As I got older and my magic started making people uncomfortable, I started hiding it. Little by little every time until eventually I couldn't see it anymore and I forgot it was there. 

I forgot until the foundation crumbled and my body began to rebuke all of the impurities that I allowed society to place on me. Slowly but surely it started to come back. I saw it reflected in the way others looked at me. Then I felt it in the conversations I had with other creatives. Then finally I woke up one day and looked in the mirror and there it was. Brighter and stronger than ever. It had never left. Even with all of my attempts to destroy it and ignore it away, it never left.

I used to have this scar on the middle of my forehead from an unfortunate pool incident that was less unfortunate, and more so just me pretending I was a Mermaid and hitting the floor hard. Any who, it was smack dab in the middle of my forehead until I got to High School. I thought it was dope because it was a physical embodiment of how I felt-- I was different and the world could see it. I walked around with that scar like I was the coolest thing since sliced bread. That scar was something that made me physically different --I was one of five black kids in that school, so that probably ranked higher but I digress. I was physically different and everyone could finally see that I was unique. I was magic. I was a Unicorn.

I was SO proud. 

The scar is gone but right now, in this moment I feel the same way I felt when it was there. I feel like this dope Unicorn and could care less if anyone sees it or not. My purpose in this world is not to bow to the ideals of others but to be me contrary to what everyone else wants me to be. No matter how hard they try they won't be able to take, change, or bury that. Not today. Not tomorrow. And never again.

I AM a writer.
I AM a Director.
I AM a Creator. 

My passion is imagining worlds that don't exist and creating characters that are defined by no one but themselves. My dream are meant to come true and I will make them happen by any means necessary.

We are all unique. We are all magic. We are all Unicorns.

We are what we decide to be and no one can take that from us. 

You can't kill a Unicorn.

Don't believe me?

Go on and try.